I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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