Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
