so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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