so let's talk penis.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
