It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
