If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
