ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
