I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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