Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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