oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
