Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
