We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
