Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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