The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.