Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real