This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
