Whod you bang
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
