I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
