the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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