she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize