he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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