Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
