just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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