the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
