Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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