My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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