I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We have started to decorate penises.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
