i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
