I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
