why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize