I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
