I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
