hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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