I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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