I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
