I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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