fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
