I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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