I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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