Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
