god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The struggles of a small town man whore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
