Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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