It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
