you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
