i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
