she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
