Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
