would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
