please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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