Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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