i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I did not marry a roomba.
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