I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
