How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
