Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize