just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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