I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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