Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
