I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
