Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
