I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
