I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
