I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
