she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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