I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
