Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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