I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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