She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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