Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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