I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
