I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
