i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize