I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
