Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
