someone owes me an orgasm
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
