Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
