she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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