Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
