Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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