note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
