I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
